Did I really do it all for love? Of course why else would I have done all that, for my health? Young love is dangerous, because you haven’t experienced anything else, that is why I question when I meet a couple that have been together since high school, like what do ya’ll have to talk about? Not saying that I don’t believe in those relationships, but really what do they have to talk about and are ya’ll growing together, or is it just comfortability. I always knew that I wanted to see what is out there when it came to relationships whether it be for the moment or some years, I had to know. I hope my high school is living a good life, now that I think about it. Love is complex and can be terrifying when it is real, when I fell in love the first time I was 20 and it scared me, that I only wanted this one person, just him, I met him at a time where my self-love was at an all-time high, then I met this guy who was not perfect, (fine as hell) but not perfect. At first, we would argue why we wouldn’t be good for each other, and finally, we gave in to each other.
I still smile thinking about how neither of us would compromise on anything, it was either you take me this way or not at all. We didn’t have to tell each other that it was something that was unspoken, however, we understood, so we had to learn from each other, we had to do the work. Sex wise it was as if our bodies remembered each other in our past lives, (no teaching need in that area) the good sex was just a bonus. Everything else for a while was a challenge, he was spontaneous and adventurous, even though I was 20 I was a homebody and focused on my future so that kept us balanced, our love for music was fun, because we didn’t listen to the same genres of music, we learned a lot about each other through our different taste in music. I had a bad temper and he did not so I observed how he would handle situations without punching someone in the face. Our childhoods were totally different and that helped with the understanding of our habits good and bad. I had my son and he had no children, and the way that he loved my child as if he was his biological dad made me fall even more in love with him.
In the same token, we were both young and still had lives to live, and with the uncertainty of what either of our futures would bring there was always this cloud of darkness hanging over us that we both chose to ignore. Our plans didn’t match and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to compromise and neither did he. If compromising hadn’t been spoken up before, why start now. I always say our age ended the relationship and we ended. I felt as if I had lost a part of myself when we parted. I always say heartbreak is a silent killer, especially with me I had not ever felt a pain like that, no matter what I did to try to numb the pain it did not work. He was amazing and so was I, (always give yourself a compliment). The heartbreak hits different when the person is still alive. I was slowly dying in front of people that didn’t think anything was wrong with me, simply going off when they would ask if I was ok I would say ‘yes’ and cover that answer with a smile.
The break-up was mutual and confusing why would two people in love decide it’s best to part from each other because neither of us wanted to be held responsible for holding the other back from our true futures. I remember when I met him and it wasn’t love at first sight, well it was like he was cool to hang around and went to I want him around all the time. Anyway, when I met him I was in love with MYSELF. That’s why I’m big on self-love, I was in love with myself and wanted to truly share that love with someone else and it happened to be him and thankfully he had that self-love going on within himself as well. That is why compromise didn’t have to happen because when self-love is present you will not let anyone take and mold that love into what you have worked so hard for it to be. I was in love with myself and decided to share it with an amazing man….. so yeah I ended up heartbroken, but I would do it again lifetime after lifetime…. I literally, did it all for Love.